lebih bermakna jika datang dari yang mengenali kita

'I love you'

kalau itu yg aku ungkapkan, i truly mean it. i'm not a type of guy which typically use that phrase to win a heart nor simply to steal her away. let alone just to make say 'aaww'..

when i said it, i truly meant it.

like, marriage true.

like, spending the rest of our lives together true.

like, everyhing i do, i do it for you true.

so, aku tradisional. that what made me special.

sebelum Kak Sheeda kawin, during my break-up. i went looking for her. yeap, untuk mengadu. plus, she knows how to make me feel better.

aku dtg mlm sabtu ke rumah. everybody was home. familiar faces made me glad. i decided to crash there.

before tido, aku tggu kt dapur.

" Bilah nak apa-apa tak?"

Kak Sheeda tanya kt aku.


"milo?hehe..macehh.."

I sat down waiting. there comes two cups of milo. one for her and one for me. she already know what happened and she wanted to know what's up with me.

" it is really depressing..lost..and felt like crap..nothing's goin rite..3 years worth of relationship gone down mcm tu je..haish..mase abg eez ptus tunang dulu mcm mane?bpe lame di knal ex-fiance die?"


aku sibuk nak tahu.


" hmm..7 thn dia dengan ex-tunang dia dulu..kenal dr zaman belajar lg. and abg eez tanggung sume belanja dia belajar, semua..fees, sewa rumah and all..everything..and she got a car already dr abg eez.."


wow.sampai mcm tu skali.


"what happened?"

aku sibuk lg nak tahu.


"mak ex-tunang dia suruh kahwin dgn org lain. sbb abg eez asyik belayar je. bila nk end up kahwin tak tahu."


"abg eez mcmna?"


aku tanya lagi.


" hmm..xyah ckp la..teruk jugak laa..most of his time mase tu dia habiskan baca quran..pergi masjid..dengar lagu sedih.."

teruk sgt. tak dapat aku bayangkan, org yg dah berusaha gila dgn menanggung segalanya tiba-tiba tunangannya diptuskan sbb kurg sabar.

" teruknya.."


" yeap..and abg eez was 30 years old masa tu.."

"oh?"

"maknanya bilah muda lagi..take chances. ok?"

" but, i'm not that type..i fancy marriage..romance..havin kids..sume nk cpt2..n i want everything to last forever..yeah, kita ada ckp prempuan itu ini cantik..but u know me rite?"



"hehe, yeap..u read emily dickinson..u love ur mom and dad..bilah suka budak-budak..u r neat..u can cook..dan org2 tua sume enjoy dgn kamu..and u really are different for ur age..u r a husband type, someone would be really lucky to have you.."

somehow, kak sheeda adalah antara yg mengenali aku tanpa perlu bertanya. dan bila semua itu keluar dr mulut org y btul2 mengenali diri aku, benda tu 1000 kali lg bermakna.

" akak tahu korg guys dlm famili kite sume sepesen..would do anything if u love someone..but then, when u crash..u crash hard..bila someone left u, kerana hatinya xde sifat sabar, xmenentu..that person is truly immature..selfish, 'cause she expected the world revolve around her..i use to be like that..but then i learn..sbg seorg prmpuan, kne byk brsabar..akak dgn abg zul sebelum brtunang dulu, kitorg 6 thn kenal..long distance relationship..dia belajar di Oman and i'm right here..and imagine that. lagi byk proses bersabar. cause u oughta know, it will be worth it. we would want it to last forever.."

"yeah..."

aku just mendengar.

"u just take a break first ok..make sure next time that certain someone knows how to appreciate u..listen to u..and she won't hurt you..'cause love is endless..she would be lying if she said she loves u but ended up doing the opposites..and i know u, awak bukan type yg main hambur je 'i love u' ikut suka hati..bkn jenis 'i love u' on the 3rd date..i know that u treasure that word.."

thanks kak sheeda. what she said was true. points taken.

aku tahu, surviving this. aku lebih kuat. sbb aku xde tmpat bergantung.aku hanya ade diri sendiri. kudos to myself.


p/s: haish~