Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Summary of love

Summary of love

I spend the last 2 years and 9 months with her and she decided to leave. Wow, it made me think. Was it really that easy? After you made promises and say ‘I love u’, and you just gave up on us? Saying you are tired and bored of me? Saying u regretted spending those years with me?

I know myself, I’m an optimist and I’m not judgmental. I’m kind. I’m nice. And to me, honestly I think that women are the most beautiful creation of God. I tend to treat girl with respect and I love being nice to them. I grew up with my mom and my two sisters and most of my cousins are girls and also my best friend is a girl. So I’m use to be nice to ‘em. And you took advantage of it.
We met at our friends hang out bash, and we started saying ‘hi’..and chat..we left that place exchanging number and taking pictures. And the rest is history. We started as friends and we fell for each other. We couldn’t believe it right? Yeah, that’s what we agreed on. We dated, say ‘I love you’ and we kissed. We were swept away by each other.

I remember the good times we had, the times we share, even the arguments. How your tears burst when you tell me about your situation and problems. Sorry I couldn’t really solve ‘em but I did my best to make you feel better.

I remember that I spent all I had just for you so you could be happy. I spoiled you very much and treat you like a princess. And I don’t ask for anything back, just loyalty. Just that.
The biggest decision that I made was to buy a car cause you like to ‘jalan-jalan’. I did it right? You were surprised when I got that car, you couldn’t believe that I managed to do that. And some of other stuff before the car. Like chasing to get to you on time before you got on your train home so I could just be there and cheer you up. Remember the birthday I planned for you when I made you that Pink Tiramisu? I know how do you love pink so much and you love eating tiramisu, I made it into one. You were thrilled. And your birthday gift was a shopping spree from me. I did do everything for you, fulfilling your wishes. And you punish my little mistake by cheating on me, twice. And you chose to leave me for like 3 times. I forgave you when you wanna get back to me each and every time, saying ‘I love you’. How could I have believed those lips? I forgive you because I love you and everytime you came back, I wish that you could stay true to me and not lie to me. I put you in my pray every night so you would stay loyal and unbelievably, I wanna marry you. I stood by even the odds are against me. I didn’t leave you even when you hurt me. Because you cried when you said ‘I love you’ and begged me to be with you all the time, and not leaving you; I stayed believing and trusting those lips of an angel.

When I think about it, I have millions of chances to cheat on you and I chose not to, it is against what I believe and what I stand for. I don’t wanna lie to you and I know it would have hurt you very bad if I did that. I think about you all the time but your insecurity accused me of not thinking of you. If I haven’t been thinking of you, I wouldn’t stay with you for a long time. You believe what your friends said about me, instead of what I said. You listen to your friends, instead of me. And you listen to them that you should probably leave me for good, again.
If I wanna write about all the things I did right or wrong, this blog wouldn’t be enough. If I wanna write how I felt about you, this blog wouldn’t be enough. If I wanna write about everything I’ve planned, about the future, this blog wouldn’t be enough to describe everything. Despite all of that, you decided to leave because of another guy said ‘I love you’, and you believe him. He did all the things that I do when we were first met, flowers and continuous calls and texting. You looked back and wish I was that kinda ‘guy’ again. Sorry I grew up thinking about the future, about our future. I wanna create a perfect everything for you and I wanna do everything just to get all the stuff that you dream and wish for. And you left because you thought I don’t need you.

I know you are a pessimist; everything turns to be negative to you. And I kinda defy everything that you believe. You don’t believe in yourself, but I do. You cry when you are sad, but I did not. You whine and complain about everything, but I accept things just the way they are. You are a nightmare to someone positive, but to me you are not. You know what I’m capable of doing; when I succeeded when you said I will fail. Each and everytime, when you said I will fail, I prove you wrong. Haha, that’s me. I challenge myself so I can be what I wanted to be, I can do what I wanted to do and even if the chance of me succeeding is lower than 1%, I believe I can be. I stood by you, even with your insults and disbelieving of my capability. And you were constantly annoyed by that; calling me ‘mr. everything right’. You can say anything about me but I won’t judge you. You can be cynical and sarcastic towards me, but I believe in me. Everything that I said I can be, everything that dreamt about, I will achieve it. All I wanted back then was you, standing by me and cheering for me.

Guess I was wrong about you. My optimism couldn’t quite get to you. And you left.
I felt it when you left. I couldn’t live one day without thinking of you. I couldn’t watch tv or listen to the radio without anything reminds me of you. Everything we did, everything we shared, it keeps playing in my head each day. I couldn’t describe how I feel let alone write about how I feel.

Jeez..u know, I’ll be better and one day, I’ll run across your mind. But you don’t have to worry, I’ll be fine, I’ll be alright. I’m blessed that i don’t get to know what we could have been, what we should have been.

You’ll think of me.

1 comment:

hun said...

you're a sweet guy, no doubt about it. and er i think i know what makes me remind u of someone. the pessimistic part mungkin?